Poem inspired by this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7XuXi3mqYM
Describes the unconsciousness of one's behavior at war.
Unconscious.
Advancing through the forest,
We march.
Black shadows among the green,
Black shadows in a sea of silence, we walk.
We stop.
We wait.
We listen.
Together we all troop to the borderline.
Suddenly, an unusual odor creeps through my nostrils.
It’s nauseating.
Then, I know it is them.
They are near.
They are here.
Alert we stand.
We hear a shriek nearby.
It is time.
We attack.
I attack.
I race through the dark labyrinth of trees.
I can hear the rapid rustling of my feet rushing against the leaves.
I can hear the shrill demented screeching.
Of them. Of us.
It is deafening.
I follow my instincts.
Unconsciously,
I attack.
I kill.
Who am I?
Hey!
ReplyDeleteSome things I noticed that could write a poetry commentary on are:
1. Repetition: the repetition of "black shadow" and the short sentences that say "We..." These add an ominous effect. Also, the repetition of "They..." directly contrasts the previous line, thus creating an us and them effect.
2. Diction and imagery work together when you explain the chimpanzee's attack. You use the words "shrill, demented screeching," a style of word that hadn't been used in the previous stanzas. Moreover, "I can hear the rapid rustling of my feet rushing against the leaves." has good imagery in it.
3. Metaphor is used to compare the chimpanzee's to militia men. "Together we all troop to the borderline." This line has a lot to offer to commentary as it can compare "guerilla" warfare to the chimps.
4. The structure of the poem has something to offer because the line which you describe the attack is longer in structure than the lines in which they are waiting to attack. This corresponds to the situations they would be in.
Bye
Asim